What You Can Control/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

Posted on July 12, 2020


It is often said by those in the mental health field that we can be far healthier once we realize that we can’t control external events. We can only control how we react to them. A recent article was written for mediate.com by mediator and author, Cinnie Noble. The July article begins by citing the late James Baldwin who said: “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” How can a party in a dispute make resolution a greater possibility? Ms. Noble lists a few questions to ask. I will note a few queries a person in a dispute may wish to consider (the phraseology is not necessarily that of Ms. Noble):
-Is my understanding of the facts complete, or it is possible that I am missing something?
-How did I contribute, willingly or inadvertently, to this dispute?
-What needs to change so I can move on, or forgive, or apologize?

To the above I would add this query:
-Am I willing to engage the other party in face-to-face discussion (i.e. mediation).

It is not fun to be embroiled in conflict. But there is a solution,. Mediate don’t litigate.