Mediation and the Three Commandments/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

Posted on July 23, 2016


One of the more widely-read of the posts I have written was the “Ten Commandments” of Mediation based on the writings of Attorney/Mediator/Author Marcy Jones. I will present an abbreviated version of this post. Think of it as the “Three Commandments” of Mediation:

* If the marriage isn’t working, it is seldom just one person’s fault. Be mature; be realistic; be accountable. Why look to blame the other party when common sense tells us that the fault lines reside within both of the parties.

*A good mediator will recommend that both parties go to their respective attorneys to review the mediation agreement before it is signed. Once again, two heads are better than one. This does not mean that the parties must seek legal advice, but they would be well served to consider such a step. If they choose not to go, it should nevertheless be preceded by discussion and consideration of the possible benefits, and sense of security, that such a move might entail.

* At times you need to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. A little empathy goes a long way in promoting dialogue. To empathize does not mean to agree. Simply recognizing that you opposing party has legitimate needs and concerns may open the way to the respect and candor that can lead to a Win-Win situation.