What Makes a Conflict Resolver?/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

Posted on March 15, 2015


A recent post by mediator/author Vivian Scott appeared at mediate.com entitled “8 Habits of a Conflict Resolver”. The top three attributes of a person who will try to avoid conflict, as I see them, are the following:

1. A conflict resolver takes responsibility. Ever meet a person who can explain how everything is the fault of someone else? They do not take responsibility for anything. In a word, they are not credible. Acknowledge your faults and your role in miscues. The words of JFK after the Bay of Pigs, ring true: “Success has many fathers and defeat is an orphan.” Learn to be accountable for your role when things go awry.

2. Conflict resolvers think before they speak. Don’t talk without taking a pause to filter your thoughts. What you think is private; what you say is truly in the public domain. Think before you run your mouth off. The respected Congressional leader, Sam Rayburn, once said “I don’t have to apologize for things I did not say.”

3. Know how to apologize. The words “I was wrong” and refreshing but they also give us credibility. Learning how and when to apologize is a great way to avoid conflict.

The above thoughts all go to the seriousness of presentation and to your credibility. Be frank in pressing your point. But do remember that acknowledging the importance of the spoken word goes a long way in making for successful conflict resolution.