Divorce and Letting Go/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

Posted on February 23, 2015


In a divorce process, the hurts and disappointments have been exposed for some time. The desire to seek to exact a price is often there. The process of mediation is curative in that it allows the parties the chance to discover how they can let go of these feelings and simply go about planning for their futures.

I saw, the other day, a quote attributed to Paul Boese, that “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Perhaps the word “forgiveness” is too unrealistic a term, but a party in divorce needs to let go. They need to let go of a relationship, of broken dreams, and of old hurts. The thinking at some time needs to shift from past to future. Perhaps this thought has been expressed most eloquently by Daphne Rose Kingman. Ms. Kingman wrote that “Holding on is believing that there’s only a past. Letting go is believing that there’s a future.” Civility in divorce helps close doors and then open new ones. It is helpful in directing the parties to the belief that the past need not be indicative of future possibilities. Mediation helps you no longer “hold on”. It is a boon in helping you “let go” and see new possibilities.

Mediate don’t litigate.