Are You Ready For Divorce?/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

Posted on May 27, 2014


The website,, focused on an article that appeared in 2008 and was well-received. The title of the article was :”Are You Ready For Divorce? The 8 Questions You Need to Ask”. This article, written by two non-attorneys, Bruce Derman and Wendy Gregson, raises a wide range of thoughtful points. There is one point I would like to quote at length:

“One of the hardest consequences of divorce is needing to face another person’s pain, be it your children’s, your family or friends because divorce affects so many people’s lives. If you are the one choosing they divorce you will have to hold on to your decision and the ending of your marriage in the face of all these people and circumstances. If you are the one who does not want the divorce, but your spouse wants to proceed, you will still need to get ready to accept the following consequences of a failed marriage. To know if you are ready, ask yourself if you are prepared for the following changes;

*If you don’t want changes to your finances, lifestyle or traditions then you are not ready for divorce;

*If you cannot accept your children’s sadness and anger then you are not ready for divorce

*If you cannot acceptance times of insecurity, fear and the unknown then you are not ready for divorce

*If you are not willing to let go of your spouse mentally, emotionally and spiritually then you are not ready for divorce.”

The section that is outlined above is a reminder that there are many ripple effects of a divorce. There is a financial impact that you may not be ready for. There are effects that will confront the children of the marriage. The future may hold untold challenges. There is the possibility that the divorce will make one actually find that they are longing for their spouse. Most importantly, one can never guess how they will react once the divorce becomes a reality. Divorce may create as many problems as it solves. Who would have thought that to be possible?

The concerns mentioned in the prior paragraph do not mean that divorce should be avoided because a bad marriage is better than an uncertain future. There are reasons why people get divorced. Assure yourself that divorce is the best option to pursue. Give some thought to what your new budget will look like. Ensure that your children have opportunities to be addressed professionally for their concerns that arise from divorce. Take your time in proceeding with your divorce, if that is possible. Promise yourself that you will try to make the divorce as civil and as dignified as possible. Close the door on your marriage; do not slam it. There is another chapter ahead, post-divorce. Do what you can to make that chapter a hopeful and meaningful one. The time spent in preparation for that time will be well worth the effort.