It Takes Two/Martin Rosenfeld

Posted on December 23, 2012


A recent post at HuffPo by an author named Becky deals with “An Open Letter” about one person’s divorce. There is both pathos and humor in this discussion. One paragraph stood out for me:

“Things don’t always work out as planned, my dear married friends. Even with every intention of staying married, my husband and I grew apart. There’s no one person, no catalyst, no particular reason for it, and most importantly, there’s no one at fault. Just like it takes two to get married (in most states), it takes two to destroy one.”

The impact of this statement cannot be overlooked. No one doubts that it takes two people to make a marriage. But somehow we allow ourselves to believe that one person is responsible for the divorce. If you are getting divorced, your friends and family have probably joined you in guessing who that responsible party happens to be. Becky reminds us that it takes two to cause a divorce. Stop looking for blame; nothing will be accomplished by their endeavor. Instead think about one person, yourself, and how you will look forward in life. There is an adage that the only one who progresses by looking backwards is the oarsmen. If divorce has entered your life, treat the process with civility and dignity. Rather than look for blame look for the next steps you will take to begin your next chapter. That is the one area over which you have the greatest control and dominion.