Divorce and Revenge/Martin Rosenfeld

Posted on October 30, 2012


During this past weekend, the pundits were all talking about the election coming up. It was agreed that the attacks on “Romnesia” and other such inanities probably hurt more than it helped the Obama cause. Why therefore did the attacks continue and grow in frequency. One “expert” had an interesting theory: President Obama’s handlers had probably told him to end this destructive talk but the President could not do so as he has a knee-jerk dislike for Governor Romney. Vengeance carries with it a heavy price.

I once shared an office with someone who had worked as a police officer at the time that promotions were going almost exclusively to members of “favored groups”. Political correctness had trumped the merit system. When I asked this man if he had bitterness towards the police force he had once served, he answered in the negative. He told me that he avoided hatred due to his “laziness”. When I asked him to explain, he said: ” It takes too much effort to hate. I am too lazy to expend such effort.”

Vengeance exacts a price. It can be self-defeating. History is replete with examples of people whose attempts at vengeance led to their downfall. In fiction, you need think no further than “Moby Dick” for a portrait of the price of vengeance.

If you are going through divorce, and are seeking vengeance, be prepared to pay a heavy price. You will be impacted, your children will be, as will be loved ones and friends. Vengeance can claim no victors. Do the wise thing. Your divorce needs an approach that is open to negotiation and decency. Try mediation. Try negotiation. Try a collaborative approach. Use vengeance as your weapon only if you wish to punish yourself, as well as your spouse. Vengeance can destroy but it cannot get an ultimate resolve. Be lazy…hatred takes too much effort. Mediate don’t litigate.