When to Let Go/Martin Rosenfeld

Posted on June 20, 2012


I was recently discussing the Holocaust at an adult education group. I recalled how years ago, a class I was teaching had the opportunity to speak to one of the first American authors to write on the Holocaust period. A young fifth-grader asked the following question: ‘If there is so much evidence proving the historical fact that the Holocaust occurred, how can there still be Holocaust deniers?” The author, a Dr. Allen who taught at the local university, explained that no proof is good enough for someone who has convinced himself that something can not proved,. Show him a picture and he will say it was staged. A diary would be considered to have been forged, and an oral testimony would be the result of a faulty memory. If the human being wishes to believe or not believe something, he has ample resources to support his pre-determined conclusion.

In a divorce proceeding, spouses often convince themselves that their other half is not willing to negotiate in good faith.  Nor does the other half wish to treat child support payments with the proper seriousness. He will likely make the visitation plan a difficult undertaking. We believe what we want to believe. Results in such cases are less than stellar. Is there a solution? Dare to think positively. Believe that if you negotiate in good faith, you will be treated in kind. Think of ways to make the process equitable. Discuss mediation. Discuss divorcing amicably. Finally, if you need to pre-judge how your divorce will turn out, assume it will have a positive direction. We often get what we condition ourselves to believe in. Trust in  civil divorce as a real possibility and you may just be pleasantly surprised. Mediate don’t litigate.