How to Maintain Balance During Your Divorce/Dr. Mark Banschick

Posted on December 8, 2011


By taking charge of your life, you’re more likely to be healthy and happy, and your kids will follow suit.

I admit that this isn’t easy. But once you get started, you can begin a positive feedback loop—one that continues to yield returns. The better care you take of yourself, the more likely you will feel good and continue to take good care of yourself. The more your children feel parented in a solid way, the easier it will be to parent them next time. Goodwill counts for a lot with kids. Trust with your ex-husband or wife leads to more trust and better co-parenting. And setting good limits, when required, lets a difficult ex know that they have to think twice before misbehaving.

Creating a positive feedback mechanism is not easy.  In an interesting blog:, Eric Barker quotes some findings from a study entitled: “Bad in Stronger Than Good.”  He points out that in everyday life bed things have stronger, more lasting consequences than comparable good things: bad reputations are harder to shed than good, bad feedback has stronger effects than good feedback and bad health has a greater impact on happiness than good health.  Perhaps the reason for this is because we start to get used to the positive things more quickly because they are easier to handle.  The “positive” becomes the norm, and the negative, according to how dramatic it might be, completely and totally disrupts that.  It is essential, then, to understand a positive moment as one absent of any and all struggle, not necessarily one filled with absolute pleasure.  Cliché as it sounds, take that moment to notice that the glass is half-full, rather than wondering when you will be able to full it completely.

One parent can make a difference, and your good decisions work for everyone.  Positive moments are there if you take the time to notice.  See what you can give to people; share yourself and your story and it could make a big difference.