10 Commandments for a Graceful Divorce/Martin Rosenfeld

Posted on June 27, 2011


One of the contributors to this blog, Attorney M. Marcy Jones, has written a book entitled “Graceful Divorce Solutions”. This book is a must-read for those who do not prefer to divorce in the standard confrontational mode of divorce. Many important ideas are found in this well-written book. I have chosen to take 10 thoughts expressed in this book as a sampling of what the book will offer the reader. (The first thought in each paragraph is that of the author. My “gloss” is then interpolated.)

  1. When spouses fight in a divorce matter, other family relationships will suffer as well. Who can doubt the negative impact that a hostile divorce process imposes on the children of the parties involved?
  2. If you see the Big Picture when you divorce you can change the way you choose to divorce. For those who desire a divorce which will be bitter and confrontational, an aphorism comes to mind. “Watch what you pray for; you may actually get it!
  3. You are getting divorced, not the children. Do not allow the children, totally innocent bystanders to divorce, to become the greatest casualties of the divorce process.
  4. If the marriage isn’t working, it is seldom just one person’s fault. Be mature; be realistic; be accountable.
  5.  Doctors can give you information but you need to decide on your treatment.So too lawyers can give you legal advice but you must do the ultimate deciding. If your attorney can’t get you to Win-Win, decide on your own how getting there might be a feasibility.
  6.   A good mediator will recommend that both parties go to their respective attorneys to review the mediation agreement before it is signed. Once again, two heads are better than one.
  7. If you have confidence in your spouse’s basic honesty, collaborative divorce may be for you. No divorce model is fool-proof but Attorney Jones makes a strong case for collaborative divorce.
  8. In litigated divorce, neither party ever “wins”. Two losers? Why even attempt litigation where any other option is a possibility.
  9.  At times you need to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. A little empathy goes a long way in promoting dialogue.
  10.  Lawyers are not therapists. And therapists are not lawyers. Learn how to properly build the team that you need to successfully get through the divorce process.

Attorney Marcy Jones has written a book with something for everyone on the divorce continuum.. Give this book a good read and you will see why this work makes an important contribution to the divorce discussion.