A Crazy Question/Rabbi Dr. Reuven Bulka

Posted on December 4, 2010


Because divorce is a real possibility, it may be advisable for every individual, before contemplating marriage, to actually ask a crazy question. That crazy question is — “Is the mate whom I am marrying a mate whom I could divorce?” This question may seem absurd in the extreme, but before jumping to that conclusion, it is worthwhile contemplating what the question means.

Because marriages may not work, and instead will disintegrate, the question is whether the divorce will be a decent and civil one, or whether it will be a fight to the finish. It is wise to ask what type of mate you are taking. Are you taking the type of a mate who is nice and pleasant when the going is good, but who, whenever things do not go his or her way, reacts in a childish, spiteful, petty way?

If that is the case, then it is quite likely that such a mate will behave in a less than considerate way when it comes to divorce. Whoever it is that a person marries should be a person whom one would be able to divorce in a way which avoids recriminations, eschews protracted fighting, and eliminates perpetual conflict. In other words, the person whom you marry should be one who in your perception would be a mentsch, a true human being, even in the most trying circumstances.

Chances are that if an individual qualifies as one whom you could divorce with no fear of reprisal, he or she is the type of individual to whom you will be happily married, and the divorce will not be necessary. But it is important to ask the question, because by asking the question one may save much misery.