One very popular career for women is teaching. The reasons for its popularity vary, but it is a fact that a career in education is rewarding to the soul. Teachers play a very important role in the future of a society, and women seem to innately have the skills needed to be a good instructor and guide.

Teaching is also a great career choice for women with children. While you are working, your children will be in school. You will have the opportunity to be at home with your children during the evening hours. Also, your holiday and vacation days will take place at the same time as your children’s, so you will never need to find a babysitter to watch them during these times.

Whether it be elementary, secondary or post-secondary education, becoming a teacher or teacher’s assistant post-divorce may be easier than you think. There are several routes you can take to begin a career in education. Listed below are those routes:

-Teacher’s Assistant: An assistant provides support to the teacher. They may be asked to do various tasks throughout the day, such as: photocopying, grading, supply stocking, filing and organizing. They also provide instructional support by helping individual students (especially those with special needs) with certain assignments. Employment qualifications vary depending on your state and school district. Some schools require that you only have a high school diploma, while others require at least an associate’s degree. A few schools require a bachelor’s degree.

-Substitute Teacher: Substitutes take the place of absent teachers. Substitution can last for one day, up to a few months; depending on the reason for the teacher’s absence. Teachers will leave you a lesson plan for the days you will be working, and you are to follow that lesson plan specifically. If you will be substituting for a longer period of time, you may be asked to create your own lesson plan. Because this is, in essence, a teaching position; most states and school districts require that you have at least a bachelor’s degree. If you are thinking about becoming a teacher, substituting is a great way to gain experience before making a decision.

-Elementary Teacher: There are several ways to become an elementary teacher. First, if you do not have a bachelor’s degree, you will need to go back to school and earn a Bachelor’s Degree in Early Childhood Education. If you already hold a bachelor’s degree in another field, all you need to do is earn your teaching certificate. This will require you to take some education courses and pass an exam. You can register for these courses through programs offered by your local school district or college. Some colleges also offer programs that allow you to earn your teaching certificate and Master’s in Education at the same time. All of these routes require you to take part in a student teaching program for a few months before you can work as a teacher. Once you have earned your teaching certificate, you are eligible to teach any grade K-6.

-Secondary School Teachers: As with elementary education, if you do not have a bachelor’s degree, you will need to go back to school and earn your Bachelor’s Degree in Middle School or High School Education. If you already have a bachelor’s degree in another field, you will need to earn your teaching certificate by taking the same route explained in elementary education. Again, some colleges offer a program that allows you to earn your teaching certificate and Master’s in Education at the same time. The only difference between secondary and elementary teaching is that you must choose a subject field to teach, and you typically must decide which grade you want to teach, as well.

-Master’s Degree: Why earn your Master’s in Education? With your master’s, you have the potential to earn a substantially higher salary. You can also teach at the community and technical college level with a master’s degree. In addition, many school districts are actually now requiring all teachers to earn their Master’s in Education after so many years of teaching.

-Private Schools: These schools operate under different rules than public schools. Teachers at private schools often must have a bachelor’s degree, but they are not always required to have a state teaching certificate.

To learn more about becoming a teacher, visit the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics website.

Lori Hutchison teaches high school English and owns the site www.mastersinteaching.net. In her spare time, she enjoys writing guest blog posts about various topics of interest; especially teaching!

One article took a balanced approach.  Coach Paterno had been a mentor and role model to many Penn State athletes.  He stood for excellence on the field and in the classroom.  This was the positive aspect of Paterno’s life.  But he turned a “blind eye” to the plight of the children that he had reason to believe had been abused by his coaching assistant.  The writer’s conclusion? Coach Paterno was a good deal like many of us.  He had some admirable traits and he also had some major failings.

I found this to be a realistic approach.  We tend to make our famous fellow traveler’s into sinners or saints.  The truth usually lies somewhere between these two opposite poles.  Very few sinners are without some redeeming feature and few saints have an untainted career resume.  We are part saint and part sinner in our most basic makeup.

It is easy in a divorce process to paint our “opposite number” as sinners.  Of course, we belong to the group known as saints.  The truth usually lies at some point in between these two extremes for all who are involved in the process of divorce.  Mediation allows us to see people in terms of their needs and not their DNA nor their moral worth.  This is a healthy way to view others.  Mediation can lead to positive discussion in lieu of judgmental conclusions.  Does this make sense as a reasonable approach to divorce? I believe it does.  Mediate, don’t litigate.

People appreciate honesty and being given straight talk. If you have a legal dispute with another (family, commercial, etc.) why not settle for honest talk. “This is what I need, this is what I can give.” Chances are that the other party will appreciate this and will act in kind. Honest discussion helps both parties, reduces rancor, and ultimately reduces the cost of your legal representation. Honesty is a possible by-product of mediated discussion. It is virtually impossible to attain through litigation and confrontation. As always, the best advice is this; mediate don’t litigate.

There is a Medrash on Parshas Noach that is based on the Pasuk that “Tov HaShem LaKol V’Rachamav Al Kol Maasav”. We are expected to imitate the Goodness of HaShem, and Noach did so by providing for the animals in the Tevah. The Medrash bolsters this idea by telling of a divorced man who supported his ex-wife even though he had no such legal obligation. Why did he do so? The Medrash instructs that when he saw her state of poverty, he was overcome by feelings of humanity and kindness.  What is the Medrash telling us? Its message seems to be that while kindness to a former spouse is not easy to perform, it is a meritorious act to conduct ourselves with compassion and decency, notwithstanding the challenge of doing so.

It is not easy to be civil and cooperative when a marriage has been terminated. The natural impulse is to blame the other party for their role in disrupting our married state, our inner peace and our sense of  self-worth.  It is not for naught that Chazal describe that the sadness of divorce makes even the mizbaech weep tearfully. However, as sad as it is, the Torah demands certain behavior from us. Divorce does not exempt us from conducting our life in accord with Torah values and principles.

The Baalei Mussar often talked of “strategies” we need to devise to cope with life’s challenges.  What strategies can exist for the young man or woman going through divorce? I will list a few below that I have advocated in my work as a divorce mediator and former Bais Din Menahel.

1. Life presents us with many nisyanos. Why that is we may never know. However, it is clear that how we react during a nisayon will color the rest of our life. A divorce is one of the most traumatic events a human may ever experience. How will the person act during that time? Will they call up their inner strength or will they rise to the occasion and show sterling behavior? This behavior need not mean that one will give up all their rights in a discussion negotiation. However, it does mean acting in a way that shows that one is imbued with Torah values. One needs to be civil and respectful, even in a divorce process. The divorce process is trying and embittering. One strategy to call upon is simply to ask: “Will I be proud of my present behavior in 5,or 10, or 20 years?”. If the answer is not in the affirmative, you may need to dig a bit deeper into your “Kochos HaNefesh” to define appropriate behavior.

2. Children always learn from what they observe in parental behavior. A divorce is a period of great challenge. One day our children will go through challenges in their own life, of many possible varieties. Will they learn positive or negative lessons from the way we talk, act, and perform during our period of divorce?

3. There is a theory about mediation that it works best when the parties will be continuing some type of future relationship. Thus, for example, it behooves a landlord and tenant in dispute to search out mediation but it is less important for a fired employee to seek out mediation for his demands on his former boss. What future relationship will a divorcing couple have? They will always be the co-parents of their children. (If there were no children in the marriage, they may be responsible to care for aged parents, etc.) The need to co-parent means the need to communicate effectively in the future. How this will be possible in cases of bitter divorces is something that is not at all clear to professionals. The only remedy is to seek to eliminate the bitterness and confrontation during the divorce process. This also eliminates the likelihood of children choosing sides in the divorce that their parents will undergo.

4. The last suggestion is perhaps the most universal. Rancor and bitterness taint our Neshama. It is hard to bounce back, spiritually, from prolonged legal battles, charge and counter-charge, and finger-pointing.

I read recently of a woman who visited her father in prison. Her father, a borderline personality, had killed the woman’s mother, after he been through a bitter divorce with the mother. The visit in prison had been arranged through a program in England which was created to get parties to discuss the possibility of reconciliation and forgiveness after tragic events. Victims of crimes, in this program, were being asked to consider forgiving the perpetrators of terrible crimes. This woman did forgive her father. Her reason was simple: “I couldn’t see living my life, consumed by hate”. Divorce is sad, tragic, and quite painful. But do you want to live your live obsessed with feelings of hate and rancor? It simply makes sense to consider being civil and dignified in a divorce. Divorce may be the end of a chapter in your life; it is not the end of the book. Live, and act, accordingly.

In the above few paragraphs I have summarized possible insights that may help you in your divorce (or even if you experience marital difficulties). Life has challenges. The Alter of Slabodka once addressed such situations by saying :”There are those who say if you have obstacles in the road you must go around it. In Mussar we say, if there is an obstacle in the road you must soar above it.” There is much to ponder in these profound words. Divorce is a stressful time. Remember that life will go on, post-divorce. For your own sake, if not for that of your children, act in a way that will make you proud of the choices you made and the behaviors you exhibited.

On July 16, 2010, the Massachusetts SJC ruled that postnuptial agreements were not per se unenforceable as against public policy.  In the much-awaited ruling in  Ansin v. Craven-Ansin, (SJC-10548 July 16, 2010), the unaminous court held that if the spouses later divorce,  the agreement must be carefully scrutized, and provided a list of factors that would indicate a particular postnuptial agreement would be enforced or not.     For link to case, http://www.sociallaw.com/slip.htm?cid=19996&sid=120

Among the standards are that there was opportunity to obtain separate legal counsel, there was no fraud or coercion in inducing the agreement, full disclosure is made, there is a knowing waiver of rights to a judicial equitable division of marital assets and other martial rights in the event of a divorce.

And most importantly, the Court held that a postnuptial agreement must be “fair and reasonable at the time of the execution and at the time of divorce”.  This means that the postnuptial agreement must be more like a separation agreement (one made at the time of divorce) than a prenuptial agreement (one made before the marriage).  An earlier case, DeMatteo v. DeMatteo, 436 Mass. 18 (2002),  had provided a lesser standard to prenuptial agreements than separation agreements, stating that in order to be enforceable, prenuptial agreements they must not be “unconscionable” and must not strip a spouse of viritually of  of his or her marital rights.   As another protection to the contracting spouse against whom the contract is being enforced, it is the spouse seeking enforcement that has the burden to satisfy the court as to all these critia.

Ansin v. Craven-Ansin is the first Massachusetts case addressing postnuptial agreements since Fogg v. Fogg, 409 Mass. 531 (1991).  In Fogg, parties entered into a postnuptial agreement which required the Husband to transfer valuable properties to the Wife.  Shortly thereafter, the Wife filed for divorce.  The Court held that the Wife had not entered the agreement in good faith, and in famous footnote 2 “left for another day” the question as to whether marital agreements were valid.

July 16, 2010 was that “other day”, and SJC provided cogent, protected and reasonable standards which will assist spouses in drafting the agreements that will protect and promote their marriages.

In our marital mediation practices, we find couples who want to preserve their marriages, but need our help. Too often struggling spouses think that divorce is their only choice.  A carefully conceived written postnuptial agreement addressing a certain problem that is causing the marriage to derail is often exactly what a couple needs to eliminate the conflict that is tearing them apart.  In our work, we have seen many marriages begin to flourish again after a postnuptial agreement is carefully conceived and signed by the spouses.

Having pointed out the impracticality (in my opinion) of Ms. Chan’s first theses, I now turn to the second half of her advice. Ms. Chan reminds us of ethical behavior that is expected of us.  While your “ex” may not have chosen the “high road”, you must remember that you can only control your own behavior, not that of your former spouse.  It is never acceptable to explain away boorish behavior by saying “S/he started”. In the conclusion, Ms. Chan develops a fool-proof test. How will the “you” of five years from now view your own behavior during the time of divorce?  Things tend to look different after the trauma has passed.  Will you be proud, then, of your actions “now”.  Most decidedly, how will your children think of your behavior?  Is your behavior of the type that you would wish your children to emulate as they go through life’s challenges and traumas?

Acting civilly during divorce is not something many attorneys will necessarily focus upon.  But you will have a life post-divorce. How do you wish to view your own behavior as it played out during the throes of divorce.  The post by Ms. Chan gives us much food for thought in that direction.

The teenage brain is a developing organ that won’t reach maturity until twenty-five or so, and the psychological roller coaster of emerging independence and sexuality can be daunting for girls and boys alike. Add a divorce (or any real stress), and figuring out what’s going on psychologically can be tricky. While your adolescent may be inherently inconsistent, moody, or test limits, during a divorce there are additional pressures to deal with over which he has little control – like the dissolution of the family as he knows it, perhaps warring parents or just worries about what the future may hold.
So how do you tell the difference between an upset teen and a teen that needs treatment, and maybe medication?

Five important questions can help.

• First, does your child’s problem precede the divorce? Some kids are by nature anxious, moody or inattentive. You may already have him in treatment for ADHD or another diagnosis. For kids like this, the stress of divorce can worsen an already existing problem. Anxious kids can become more anxious, depressed kids more depressed and so on. A good therapist or doctor can assess what is going on. It may be that your child will benefit from counseling, where she can express her concerns, learn adaptive techniques and feel strengthened. It may be that you and your ex are contributing to your child’s stress and that the therapist can help you keep your arguments to times when your teen is not present. This may take away a big burden and lighten up the symptoms that you have been concerned about.
• The second question is related to the first. Does my child show evidence of significant moodiness, extreme anxiety and the like? You should take careful note if your child stays in bed an excessive amount, or goes for long periods of time without showering or changing clothes. Or is she so anxious that she can’t fall asleep or get her homework done because she is worrying all the time. Be on the lookout for flights of manic energy, sleeplessness and grandiosity. In these instances, you might be up against a bigger problem than mere teenage moodiness. Mood and anxiety disorders tend to run in families so get a handle on the mental health history of your extended family – and inquire about your ex’s side as well. If your child is adopted, you will have to dig further: did the biological parents have these issues?
• The third question concerns the degree of dysfunction – how bad has it gotten? Psychological problems, whether they are mood or anxiety disorders, attention deficit or other issues, are defined not just by the symptoms but also by how the problem actually impacts basic functionality. If you notice that your son is acting depressed, but he’s far fromsuicidal, he does well in school, he has good friends and an active social life, and he generally gives off an attitude of contentment, you are most likely dealing with normal teenage angst. If your daughter is anxious and complains about the divorce or your parenting, but lives life well, she is probably okay. Complaining is not a psychiatricdiagnosis. If, on the other hand, your son protests constantly that he’s “fine”, but you clearly witness that he’s having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, his friends are no longer calling, and he’s lost interest in what used to give him pleasure, this well may be an actual depression. And some kids become “very good” in divorce, like super kids because they are so anxious. Be aware that your child may be so worried about her situation that she will do anything not to rock the boat. This can be a cause for concern.
• The fourth question is about drugs and alcohol. Is my child self medicating? The typical adolescent in America has access to alcohol and many kinds of drugs. He may claim that marijuana ”cuts the edge off” or that drinking lets her bond with her friends. Or, it may all be in secret and behind your back. Be careful. I have seen too many casualties from chemically dependent teens, including poor grades, depression and even fatal car accidents. Twenty five years of practice has made me very sober about alcohol and drugs. If your child is using significantly, normal treatments won’t touch the core problem.
• The fifth question is hard to answer for yourself because you as a parent are in the thick of it: how badly are we – as parents – hurting our children because of our inattention,anger, self preoccupation, moodiness or the way we pull them into the middle of our conflict? When this fourth question is answered strongly in the affirmative, you will almost certainly need outside help. In cases like this, it is a shame to medicate a kid when he or she is overwhelmed by realistic pressures from home. Therapy and/or medication takes a back seat to the divorcing parents working on getting their act together and if this can’t happen because the acrimony is too intense, then just know that meds and therapy may work, but it is a sad second choice.